The campfire is a summer tradition. Who doesn’t love sitting on a slimy log, batting away mosquitoes while smoke fills your eyes and your gooey marshmallow slowly turns to charcoal? Perfect!
First you have to get the fire going. The ritual of lighting a fire offers the opportunity to observe a variety of distinct personality types:
• The Perfectionist: This precise individual arranges kindling followed by larger logs in a time-honored pattern designed to maximize the surface area of the wood, promote airflow and create symmetry. Do not attempt to offer any assistance. The perfectionist knows what they are doing and will continue on their chosen path regardless of your suggestions, which they will undoubtedly perceive as interference.
• The Dreamer: This quixotic person labors under the impression that they can start a fire with one match. They might practice in secret over a long period of time, testing out the flick of the wrist, the ratio of newspaper to kindling wood, and the length of time they can hold a flaming match without burning off their fingerprints. Have pity on them, and refrain from saying, “I told you so” when they fail in their attempt.
• The History Buff: Steeped in wisdom from the Foxfire books, this intrepid individual wields flint and steel to strike a spark and kindle a flame. Go grab a snack if you’re hungry — this process could take hours. Refrain from asking, “Can I try?” The history buff takes pride in walking their unique path and has no interest in ceding the glory to you.
• The Scientist: Similar to the history buff, the scientist wants to light a fire without using a match. Their tool of choice is a magnifying glass used to pinpoint a beam of light from the sun onto a pile of dry brush to ignite the fire. Eyeglasses can work in a pinch, if you’ve left your spy gear at home. This method might produce a fire faster than the flint-and-steel route, but only if the sun is shining. Make sure not to stand too close to the scientist, to avoid casting a shadow over the proceedings.
• The Pyromaniac: This impulsive individual doesn’t want to wait for flames to gradually ignite enough logs to produce a cheery blaze. S’mores are waiting! A splash of lighter fluid and then another will do the trick. Don’t criticize — just stand back, keep the fire department on speed dial and hope for the best.
• Everyman: Then there’s the rest of us, who wad up masses of newspaper, strike dozens of matches, and pile wood on too quickly, smothering the flames in an endless cycle. It’s not a competition, right?
At long last, the fire is lit. What is it for, anyways?
Is the fire for cooking? Yes, s’mores do count as food. The trick is to somehow avoid the raging debate over whether to blacken the marshmallows or simply tinge them with a blush of color. The Great Marshmallow Controversy has ordinary s’more makers taking sides. Are you on Team Burnt or Team Lightly Toasted? Think carefully before you answer.
Are you looking for an opportunity for socializing? After settling the question of marshmallow teams, you can move on to ghost stories. There’s nothing spookier than a ghost story on a dark night illuminated only by the light of dancing flames. Be careful if you’re regaling a timid group of marshmallow toasters, however. Those sharp marshmallow sticks make formidable swords to ward off the bogeyman, who might turn out to be you.
Maybe the campfire’s sole purpose is to get rid of the evidence. Incriminating letters, sensitive diary entries, that IOU you foolishly signed in a moment of weakness — a good fire can take all your troubles away. Be sure to commit to the time it takes to fully reduce your documents to ashes. A burnt fragment with one damaging word is all it takes to blow your cover.
Are you trying to keep warm or keep the bugs at bay? Nothing like a crackling fire to warm your hands and melt the rubber toes of your shoes. Or maybe you simply feel like lighting a campfire. Enjoy the experience!
• Peggy McKee Barnhill is a wife, mother, and author who writes cozy mysteries under the pen name “Greta McKennan.” She likes to look at the bright side of life.
