How many times have we said, “If only I had …” You fill in the blanks. If only I had done such and such. If only I had listened sooner. If only I could had said such and such. Or, if only I had not made that choice. If only I had not chosen that path in life. What do we do with our regrets? What do we do with those “If only I had …” statements of regrets?
First, you are not alone. Many, if not all of us, have regrets in our lives. I have them. You have them. We have all made bad choices. We have all missed opportunities. We have all said foolish things or not said important things. The Bible says “We have all sinned.” (Romans 3:23) Not one of us are perfect.
Second, acknowledge your regrets. Own up to them. Don’t blame others or rationalize them. This just leaves them unresolved in your own heart and mind. Acknowledgement is taking ownership. In our faith practice, we call it confessing. We can confess them to a pastor or priest. We can confess them to a trusted confidant. Most important, we confess them to God.
Third, we should not beat ourselves up over our regrets. By this I mean, we may feel as though we ought to maintain our guilty feelings. We might try to pay for our guilt which can lead to depression or illness, substance abuse, or other forms of self-punishment.
Fourth, accept forgiveness. This is tough to do, but it is so freeing. When we confess to God, God will forgive us through Jesus Christ. Jesus died on the cross for the purpose of offering us forgiveness for our sins, our regrets. John 3:16 is a promise of how freeing this can be: “For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son (Jesus) that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” When we believe in Him, we accept His forgiveness for our sins and all our regrets.
Fifth, along with accepting the forgiveness of God, we need to accept the forgiveness of ourselves. I have met many people over the years who accept God’s forgiveness but cannot forgive themselves. They continue to beat themselves up over past sins and regrets. If God can forgive, we ought to forgive ourselves and let God’s mercy and grace bring healing to our mind and soul. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
God said this to Israel and I believe He means it for all who call upon Him. This is what the Lord says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel … “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:14, 18-19)
In the New Testament, the apostle Paul had many regrets in his life. But he writes in his letter to the Philippian Church, though not perfect yet, he has found hope in Jesus Christ and is able to press forward. He says, “I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)
Regrets keep us looking backward, dwelling on a past we cannot change. Hope in Jesus, His forgiveness helps us learn from the past, but keeps us looking forward and dwelling on our new life in Jesus. In Christ, I am not consumed by regret, but renewed by the love and kindness God has shown to me with the desire to pass on that love to others. Juneau’s 2017 Year of Kindness and Beyond!
• Daniel Wiese is pastor of the Church of the Nazarene. “Living & Growing” is a reoccurring column written by different authors and submitted by local clergy and spiritual leaders.
