Call me festive, but I like to celebrate constantly.
For me every season is holiday season; around our house, it’s always the most wonderful time of year. Well, aside from those two weeks in August between the end of summer camp and start of school. “Most wonderful” are not the two words I’d use to describe that stretch.
Anyway … first, let me wish everyone a happy belated Groundhog Day. Although, Alaskans don’t observe Groundhog Day because 2009’s Senate Bill 58 replaced it with Marmot Day. Well, it’s been eight years now — eight years and 10 days, to be exact — and nary a marmot has weighed in with a prognostication. That’s so like our legislature, to declare an official Marmot Day but then never name an official marmot. How are we supposed to schedule the next month and a half without the opinion of a state-sanctioned ground squirrel?
Of course, we’ve got Valentine’s Day in the on deck circle (nothing says Valentine’s Day like a baseball metaphor). I like to keep it simple. This year, I’m taking my wife to this quaint little Italian place I know… it’s called Bullwinkle’s Pizza. She’s also getting $10 in game tokens, but don’t tell her — it’s a surprise.
No matter how you observe Valentine’s Day, don’t just bask in its afterglow — not with Presidents’ Day breathing down your neck.
As usual, this year, we’re headed back east to spend Presidents’ Day with family. Nothing beats New York City for Presidents’ Day atmosphere: the Radio City Presidents’ Day Spectacular, the Presidents’ Day Tree in Rockefeller Center, waiting for the ball to drop in Washington Square (or at Lincoln Center — just as good).
Word to the wise: make your plans early. Presidents’ Day travel is notoriously horrific. And dinner reservations? Nightmare. Probably best to cook your Presidents’ Day goose at home. I know this great specialty food market here in town. It’s called Costco. Sometimes they offer public tastings, although their famous, house-made churros do require a small sampling fee.
It sounds over the top, but I’m way down. In other words, when it comes to going all out, I’m all in.
For instance, this past Chinese New Year, we totally sacrificed a virgin! And to think, my wife just wanted to stay home watching “Dick Clark’s Chinese New Years Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest.”
In March I look forward to St. Patrick’s Day — mmmmm, green matzoh — and, naturally, Seward’s Day. Which reminds me, I better decide on a costume. I’m thinking either “William H. Seward” or “Sexy William H. Seward.”
Of course, I’ve already started writing our Memorial Day cards — don’t wait till the last minute! And our annual Flag Day egg hunt should be fun, with a Betsy Ross piñata and everything. Although, someone always gets sick from drinking too much flag-nog.
Then there’s the Fourth of July, but I’m Jewish, so I usually just go see a movie and get Chinese food.
And let’s not forget Labor Day. It’ll be hard to top the award-winning jack-o-lantern I carved last year in the exact likeness of Samuel Gompers (although some people said it looked more like Cesar Chavez).
This Labor Day my daughter’s performing in her school’s Labor Day pageant, which, of course, culminates with a dramatic rendering of the Taft-Hartley Act of 1947. I’m encouraging her to audition for Taft (Hartley isn’t nearly as meaty a role).
Clearly, the year provides many occasions to go whole hog. Speaking of which, I need to order that whole hog in time for Arbor Day. Can you imagine Arbor Day with no pig roast? That’d be like Hanukkah without communion wafers.
Now, there are lots of unofficial holidays, too. For instance, Personal Day, which comes every other Friday… as opposed to Sick Day, which comes but five times a year (or Vacation Day, which everyone accrues differently according to seniority).
Not far off, the granddaddy of ‘em all: Tax Day.
You know, I had my first kiss on Tax Day. I was 12 and I had a crush on our accountant’s daughter. As fate would have it, we wound up standing under the 1099 Miscellaneous Income Form, and, well, you know the custom.
But it’s a bittersweet holiday for me. Growing up, my family waited until Tax Day morning to open our boxes of receipts. One year, I snuck mine back to my room and started auditing. Well, I guess I fell asleep with my flashlight and magnifying glass and … I accidentally burned down our house.
That’ll teach me to get a head start on my taxes.
Point is, don’t limit yourself.
For prospective first-timers, might I suggest Canadian Thanksgiving? Go ahead, get inspired. This year, give that special someone the best damn Canadian Thanksgiving they’ve ever had. Maybe, just maybe, you might even outdo me.
Although, fair warning, I’ve already reserved two seats aboard Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic. This year, my wife and I are spending Canadian Thanksgiving in space.
Now, if you don’t mind, Presidents’ Day fast approaches and I’ve still got a lot of work to do on my John Quincy Adams nativity scene. Although, so far, Abigail looks great.
• Geoff Kirsch is an award-winning Juneau-based writer and humorist. “Slack Tide” appears every second and fourth Sunday.
