Waiting — I’m not good at it. I am not a patient woman. It is difficult for me to reconcile myself to the fact that I am powerless in so many situations. How to wait with grace is a challenge for me.
Unproductive waiting sometimes plagues me. The ridiculous question of “Why me?” and the whining statement of “It’s not fair” are such a waste of my time and energy. “Why not me?” is the better question. I find the concept of fair to be silly, too. The only thing that is really fair, to bottom line it, is that we all will die.
Many will pray while waiting. If you believe in a higher power, one prayer may be the most difficult to state with honesty: “Thy will be done.” Sometimes I envy people whose faith comforts them with the belief that their God has a plan for them. “Let go and let God.” You may wait thinking that when God closes a door he opens a window, or that he won’t give you anything that you can’t handle. The cross you bear will help make you stronger, more compassionate, more humble and worthy.
Not all of us have that faith. Our waiting is not cushioned with those beliefs and prayers. While waiting in the doctor’s office for a visit that is not routine, my mind goes to places that are not positive. I play “What if…..?” in my head. It’s a negative way to sit and wait. Future plans will be guided, in part, by the information I am waiting to receive. What better choices do I have as I sit or pace waiting for my name to be called?
The Cleveland Clinic has produced a video: “Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care” (youtube.com/watch?v=cDDWvj_q-o8). It is a very moving piece and has caused me to approach waiting in a more positive way. As I wait I try to pay attention to the people who are surrounding me. What brings them here? I try also to acknowledge the lives that the staff have outside of this place. Each of us brings with us cares, concerns, joys and sorrows. I don’t have a clue as to how their respective days have started, are proceeding or what they will go home to. Hearts may be heavy with fear or uncertainty. Folks may be weary, preoccupied, in need of caffeine. Or someone may be just too damn happy to sit still another moment. I’m just one of many who wait with a myriad of thoughts crashing and receding in my brain like storm waves on a battered shore.
I can make the choice to wait in an empathetic manner. Sit and breathe intentionally. Deep breath in to center and relax. Slow breath out, through my heart, surrounding us all with loving kindness. May we all be patient and caring as we listen and respond in a loving manner. May we speak our truths in a clear and calm way and open our hearts and minds to receive with grace. This conscious waiting may be more easily said than done, but it is well worth my efforts. If I can be patient with myself as I wish others well, maybe they can do the same for me.
Waiting — I’m not good at it but I’m working on it.
• Pat McLear is a member of the Juneau Unitarian Universalist Fellowship.
