Life is relationship based. It concerns me that we have become a society that is too quick to sacrifice relationship for personal, political and religious gain.
Relationships are critical in all areas of life. Lack of relationships isolate us and creates divisive us/them situations. Relationships depend on good listening skills and a sense of humor. If our mouth is always open and our ears are closed, we damage relationships and create barriers that stifle growth.
For many, the growing diversity of our society and world threatens long-held beliefs. Familiarity is our comfort zone, which tempts us to withdraw from discomfort and new relationships. If our relationships are based on like-mindedness, we sacrifice our potential for new and exciting growth. In reality, relationships are central to finding and celebrating the gift of diversity. Relationship is about us, together, sharing, learning and growing. Relationships transform us and expand our comfort zone.
We have all experienced the loss of relationships. We grieve those losses because they were precious to us. But relationships continue to be a vital part of our lives and can surprise us in their ability to expand our life experiences and perspectives. Relationships expand our comfort zone and broaden our horizons.
Our recipe for relationships needs the proper amount of yeast to encourage the ingredients to grow and prosper in relationship with each other. Some “what ifs” might help us to build healthier, more diverse relationships. What if we sought out people different from us as resources for growth and understanding? What if politicians were less adversarial and more cooperative in seeking the common good? What if relationships were placed on a pedestal rather than stifled by intolerance? What if law enforcement and community relied on pre-existing respect and relationships as a basis for all interactions? What if people of faith chose to respect religious diversity rather than be threatened by them?
What “what if” is unique to your life, needs to be challenged?
Bringing people together from very different backgrounds is the bridge to empathy, understanding, acceptance and genuine relationships! Forging relationships with people of different races, ethnicities, classes, genders, sexual orientations, political views, cultures and faiths goes a long way in solving the empathy deficit we experience as a world, nation, state, community and individual.
People who, on the surface, are different from us are learning gems, rather than threats. Genuine empathy needs new conversations and relationships that lead to greater understanding. Our job is to heal the wounds of our polarized society rather than ignite the fire of fear. This does not mean forsaking strongly held beliefs, but leaving room for disagreement without the toxic rhetoric that destroys relationships.
Stepping into unfamiliar territory to initiate and develop relationships that unify us in our diversity, can be challenging. But the results can be eye-opening and filled with blessing. Relationships have been life-changing for me. I grew up in a white homogeneous family and community. Today I am a white minority parent/grandparent of a rainbow family. Our multiracial family has seen the best and worst of human behavior. It was my grandpa, who lived his whole life on an island off the coast of Norway, who gave my wife Laura and me the gift of acceptance before we adopted our first child in 1971. When we told him we were adopting a child of another race, his response was “all children are created in the image of God. I hope I live to see a picture!”
Relationship for Grandpa had to do with God’s love for ALL people. Jesus himself struggled with and faced hostility for welcoming relationships with people society rejected. The society of his day obviously struggled with us/them behaviors, as we do today. Jesus was in relationship with his 12 Apostles, but there was a breakdown of relationship because one of his disciples betrayed him with tragic results. Ephesians 2:5b gives us a framework for our life together: “Christ brought Jews and Gentiles together as though we were only one person, when he united us in peace.”
Life is best lived united in peace. That includes accepting people unlike us. May we live the words of my grandpa, “All children are created in the image of God.” May we grow in relationship, understanding, acceptance and compassion.” Unity in diversity is a framework for meaningful life in our complicated world.
• Pastor Larry Rorem is a retired Evangelical Lutheran Church in America pastor living in Juneau.
