Valentine’s Day reminds us to express love—through words, cards, flowers, and thoughtful gestures. Yet one of the most meaningful ways we show love rarely comes wrapped in a box. It is the simple, intentional act of listening well.
We often assume communication is straightforward. We speak, others hear, and understanding follows. But real life tells a different story. Two people can hear the same sentence and come away with very different interpretations. Tone, past experiences, personality, and cultural background all shape how we understand what someone says. Sometimes conflict begins not because people intended harm, but because they understood the same words differently.
Leadership researcher Erin Meyer highlights this reality in her book The Culture Map, where she explains how people across cultures communicate in very different ways. Some cultures value very direct communication, saying exactly what they mean. Others communicate more indirectly, expecting listeners to read between the lines and interpret tone and context. When people with different communication styles interact, misunderstandings are almost inevitable unless they slow down and make the effort to understand each other.
While Meyer writes primarily about international business relationships, her insight applies to everyday life as well. Families, friendships, workplaces, churches, and communities are filled with people who think, speak, and interpret communication differently. Loving people well requires more than speaking clearly; it requires listening carefully.
This is why the wisdom of James 1:19 continues to speak powerfully into modern life: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Notice the order of the instruction. Listening comes first. Speaking comes later. Anger is delayed. If we change the order—speaking quickly, listening poorly, and reacting emotionally—relationships often suffer.
Listening is more than simply remaining quiet while another person talks. True listening is the choice to seek understanding before offering response. It means resisting the urge to interrupt, correct, or mentally prepare our reply while the other person is still speaking. It means asking clarifying questions rather than assuming we already know what someone meant. Most importantly, it communicates respect. When people feel heard, they feel valued.
Many disagreements begin not with deep differences, but with small misinterpretations. A short reply is assumed to be dismissive. Silence is taken as disagreement. A hurried tone is heard as irritation. In reality, the other person may simply be tired, distracted, or communicating in a way shaped by their background or personality. When we slow down long enough to listen, we often discover that the gap between us is smaller than we first imagined.
Valentine’s Day invites us to practice love intentionally, not just sentimentally. Loving others well includes choosing patience in conversations, extending grace when communication feels unclear, and giving people the benefit of doubt before drawing conclusions. Sometimes the most loving sentence we can speak is, “Help me understand what you meant.”
In a world where conversations move quickly and opinions form instantly, listening becomes a quiet but powerful act of love. It builds trust, strengthens relationships, and reduces unnecessary conflict. More importantly, it reflects the character of Christ, who consistently listened to people before speaking into their lives.
Flowers fade, greeting cards are eventually set aside, and chocolates do not last long. But the experience of being genuinely heard can stay with someone for years. This Valentine’s season, perhaps one of the best gifts we can give the people around us is our full attention—ears ready to listen, hearts willing to understand, and words chosen only after we have truly heard. As God’s grace continues shaping our hearts, we learn to love others not only with our words, but with the patience to truly listen.
Fred LaPlante serves the Juneau community as the pastor of the Juneau Church of the Nazarene. He is passionate about encouraging others to see life more clearly through faith in God’s Word.
