Writers’ Weir: Weight Control Script for TV Commercial

Published 3:00 am Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Tired of yo-yo diets? Of losing weight,

then regaining it right back? Tired of counting calories,

eating bland meals received in the mail,

attending meetings to learn you aren’t losing

weight as fast as others?

Our program is called Neutralize Appetite Guide

and Never Again Gain or simply NAG & NAG.

This program relieves you of tiresome

responsibility and restrain by personifying

your guilty conscience.

Dependent on the plan chosen, a scolding specialist

will text or call at regular mealtimes and bedtime,

criticize what you ate and what you might eat

and warn of the evils of bedtime snacking.

Using blends of humiliation and guilt

our agents will motivate you to eat less

and avoid between-meal snacks.

For only a modest monthly payment

we guarantee misery.

To initiate NAG & NAG and change your life,

call the toll-free number on the screen.

— Richard Stokes

The Capital City Weekly accepts submissions of poetry, fiction and nonfiction for Writers’ Weir. To submit a piece for consideration, email us at editor@capweek.com.