I have learned two important lessons in my competitive sports career.
One: Be humble in your endeavors or you may be humbled by a competitor.
Two: I will get to the second one later.
For now…I challenge you to race the Seacoast Relay on Sunday morning.
As defending overall champion — ahem, I ran the relay solo and had the fastest time of two hours and 36 minutes (and 10 minutes elapsed before the timer recorded me so, let’s just say a 2:26, shall we?) over the 21.9999999 miles, and there was a bear detour and search under a race cone for my sports drink and gel. Yeah, I crushed it!
Last year, I was on a mission. I wanted some U.S. Track and Field 64-and-over marks. I had my sights set on breaking a 5-minute mile and a 2:20:00 marathon…I wore myself out getting to a 5:20 and 2:26:38, respectively, and have been dealing with a resulting injury since.
Don’t pity me, though.
Come try to thrash me.
I dare you.
I just watched two months of high school track stars and before that a multitude of sports with all kinds of athletic folks competing. So I am feeling my oats and I hope they, too, hear about this smack-talking Swede.
I know there is someone out there worthy of taking me on.
Get a relay team together…five legs…or go for the whole thing and chase me. Did I say, “I dare you?”
I have seen a few college runners back in town. Let’s see if they show up Sunday.
I have been noticing some folks jogging up Perseverance and Mount Roberts and across the Douglas Bridge every day. Why, I even saw three perky young men setting a good pace along Egan Highway — a bit illegal, but at least they ran against traffic.
And I have been noticing a lot of matching outfits in perfect stride across various back roads…maybe some pre-Klondike Road Relay folks are thinking about getting their teams in shape. Well, come on down, let’s see what you got.
Did I mention there is a post-race burrito bar? Oh, buddy! I sat with my feet in the Eagle River post-race just a-snacking on a homemade burrito and I was in heaven.
According to race co-director Heather Parker, “The Seacoast Relay is one of the only relay races in Juneau. It’s a beautiful course, and a neat team event.”
Yes, it is.
The course starts at the University of Alaska Southeast campus and ends at the Eagle Beach Picnic Area — right where the burrito bar will be located. Yum.
Race start times are at 9 a.m. or 9:30 a.m., depending on the time you estimate your team will finish.
Costumes and creative team names are encouraged.
Last year I (No One Fights Alone) was being chased, or passing, The Marmoteers, Dangerous Waters, Stinky Rats, Mauve Dolphin Featuring Jesse, Pizza, Breeze-In Baddies, Blister Sisters, Like an Urchin, Ready Set Relay, Stragglers, Tapering for Weeks, Why Are My Pants Cold & Wet, Cirque Du Sore Legs, It’s a Runderful Life and I-B-Pro-Fun.
The five legs vary in distance and scenery, and pacers are allowed to run with participants.
Leg 1 is 2.8 miles and starts and ends at the UAS Egan Library with a bit of trail as you run along Auke Lake before returning on Mendenhall Loop Road. I’m thinking “Auke-Ness-Monsters” is a good team name, maybe “Books-N-Blisters.”
Leg 2 is a 3.8-mile shot from the Egan Library along Glacier Highway past the ferry terminal to the Auke Rec pullout just past the totem pole. If you’re lucky on this section, you will see an endangered sea creature called “A Blue Canoe,” once a mainstay of the Southeast waters. How about “Closed for Running” or “Soled Out” as names?
Leg 3 is 3.5 miles and leaves the totem for an adventure along Point Lena Loop Road and finishes at the Lena Beach picnic area. You’ll run past the coastal living folks with glimpses of the places you like to tide pool. Hmmm, “Brain Sturgeons?” “Coastal Cuties?”
Leg 4 is 6 miles of even straighter Glacier Highway running from the picnic area to the pullout after the Shrine of St. Therese. The word on the street is bears and marmots are being seen “out the road.” As a matter of fact, this is the section I ran past two (bears), one on each side of the guardrail I followed (racers run against traffic). “Out the Roaders” is a term I grew up with, that’s a good team name, or “Bear Bait.” (Full disclosure, there will be race volunteers at various points, as well as cheering sections and team vehicles — all things bears try to stay away from.)
Leg 5 is 5.6 miles, from the pullout past the shrine to the race’s finish at Eagle Beach State Park outer beach picnic shelter. Runners will pass the aromatic Jensen-Olson Arboretum, the Peterson Lake Trailhead, Amalga Harbor, Herbert Glacier trailhead, the Amalga trailhead (Eagle Glacier route) and the Eagle River United Methodist Camp. Don’t get distracted with all the hiking opportunities — you are almost finished! I think a team should be called “Tiny Trail Terrors” or “Running for Burritos.”
Okay, you slow-running readers. Now is the time for the second important lesson I learned in my sports career. Since none of you will be able to keep up with me on Sunday anyway — maybe your team name should be “Chasing Klas?” — here is my wealth of sweat-earned experience and understanding:
Be cocky as heck when you know circumstances won’t allow you competing in the endeavor you are bragging about.
Yes, I was just blustering to get you interested and riled up. I’m still injured, a year older and I am out of shoe glue. Instead, I will be there cheering you on.
So how about “Five Freaks from Fabulous (insert a location that begins with an “F” here) as a team name?
Race signup ends at 6 p.m. Saturday. Register at:
https://www.raceentry.com/races/sea-coast-relay/2025/register
There is no race day registration, so you all can just come right from church with your sweats on ready to roll.
