Opinion: Your life matters

Opinion: Your life matters

When I was a kid I always thought drugs were stupid.

Editor’s Note: The Empire is publishing a weekly column from members of Juneau’s recovery community, in coordination with Great Bear Recovery Collective, to highlight September as National Recovery Month.

When I was a kid I always thought drugs were stupid. I got my thrill from hunting and trapping. Even when I started high school I only just experimented with partying, but was still mostly focused on being in the outdoors. Then, when I was 17, I got charged with a felony for forging a duck-hunting document. My right to hunt with a rifle got taken away, which was everything to me, plus I was facing years of prison time. I became depressed and turned to OxyContin to numb my depression. It quickly became habit forming, and within months of starting Oxy I turned to heroin, which was cheaper. Consequently, I got mixed in with the wrong kind of people who were doing anything and everything to stay high. Between the drugs and the looming prison sentence it became hard to plan a future for myself.

Eventually, I was found guilty of the felony forgery and taken into custody. I decided that I would use my time in prison to kick opiates, so I focused on exercising, and I stayed sober during that prison stint, remaining sober for another year after I got out. I thought heroin was a thing of the past for me. That with all my clean time I would be able to stay sober, but all that clean time didn’t matter when I was faced with real struggles in the real world. That being said I didn’t have any tools to safe guard myself against my cravings, so I was unable to see any of my relapse triggers.

On top of that, I gravitated toward people who I related to, people from jail who were still using. Staying sober became impossible, and I started using again while on probation which led to my second incarceration. I was high and dreading my return to prison, and so during one of my court appearances I found a way to pick my handcuffs and managed to escape. They finally apprehended me, and added the escape to my charge. I received a five-year sentence

This time on the inside my use continued. Until one day, after sitting in prison for about two years my attorney visited, and she said, ”Happy 26th birthday, Talon.” I looked at her dumbfounded and corrected her saying, “No, I am only 25 this year.” She assured me that I was in fact 26, and in that moment I realized that my life was just slipping away from me. I was already halfway through my 20s and all I had to show for myself was a drug habit and prison time. I knew I had to change, otherwise my situation would never change.

First, I had to start by forgiving myself, and then accept that I was responsible for what my life had become. There were no actual treatment options inside prison, and I was looking at a lengthy sentence. So I decided to do what I could to make changes on the inside. I began to observe how I responded to my daily life, beginning to see how my addiction allowed me to manipulate myself. Eventually I was released to the halfway house where I was able to do intensive outpatient treatment, finally beginning to gain the tools I needed to stay sober, and find people who believed in me, and who were also sober.

It has been an uphill battle and a lot of hard work, but I now feel confident in my sobriety. It took me a long time to be honest and recognize my addiction, and I had to leave a lot of friends behind who are still using. However, being sober has allowed me to reconnect with my family and my community, and surround myself with people who want to see me happy and healthy.

For those still struggling, know that you are important and your life does matter. You don’t have to numb yourself with drugs to forget who you are. The most important thing that I have learned is that no matter how many times you’ve tried and failed there is always hope.


• Talon Lobaugh authored this piece. My Turns and Letters to the Editor represent the view of the author, not the view of the Juneau Empire.


More in Opinion

Web
Have something to say?

Here’s how to add your voice to the conversation.

Dan Allard (right), a flood fighting expert for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, explains how Hesco barriers function at a table where miniature replicas of the three-foot square and four-foot high barriers are displayed during an open house Nov. 14 at Thunder Mountain Middle School to discuss flood prevention options in Juneau. (Mark Sabbatini / Juneau Empire file photo)
Opinion: Our comfort with spectacle became a crisis

If I owned a home in the valley that was damaged by… Continue reading

The site of the now-closed Tulsequah Chief mine. (Michael Penn / Juneau Empire file photo)
My Turn: Maybe the news is ‘No new news’ on Canada’s plans for Tulsequah Chief mine cleanup

In 2015, the British Columbia government committed to ending Tulsequah Chief’s pollution… Continue reading

(Juneau Empire file photo)
Letter: Voter fact left out of news

With all the post-election analysis, one fact has escaped much publicity. When… Continue reading

The Alaska Psychiatric Institute in Anchorage. (Alaska Department of Family and Community Services photo)
My Turn: Rights for psychiatric patients must have state enforcement

Kim Kovol, commissioner of the state Department of Family and Community Services,… Continue reading

People living in areas affected by flooding from Suicide Basin pick up free sandbags on Oct. 20 at Thunder Mountain Middle School. (City and Borough of Juneau photo)
Opinion: Mired in bureaucracy, CBJ long-term flood fix advances at glacial pace

During meetings in Juneau last week, U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE)… Continue reading

Rosa Parks, whose civil rights legacy has recent been subject to revision in class curriculums. (Public domain photo from the National Archives and Records Administration Records)
My Turn: Proud to be ‘woke’

Wokeness: the quality of being alert to and concerned about social injustice… Continue reading

The settlement of Sermiligaaq in Greenland (Ray Swi-hymn / CC BY-SA 2.0)
My Turn: Making the Arctic great again

It was just over five years ago, in the summer of 2019,… Continue reading

The Alaska Psychiatric Institute in Anchorage. (Alaska Department of Family and Community Services photo)
My Turn: Small wins make big impacts at Alaska Psychiatric Institute

The Alaska Psychiatric Institute (API), an 80-bed psychiatric hospital located in Anchorage… Continue reading

President Donald Trump and Alaska Gov. Mike Dunleavy pose for a photo aboard Air Force One during a stopover at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Anchorage in 2019. (Sheila Craighead / White House photo)
Opinion: Dunleavy has the prerequisite incompetence to work for Trump

On Tuesday it appeared that Gov. Mike Dunleavy was going to be… Continue reading

After Hurricane Katrina in 2005, many Louisiana homes were rebuilt with the living space on the second story, with garage space below, to try to protect the home from future flooding. (Infrogmation of New Orleans via Wikimedia, CC BY-SA)
Misperceptions stand in way of disaster survivors wanting to rebuild safer, more sustainable homes

As Florida and the Southeast begin recovering from 2024’s destructive hurricanes, many… Continue reading

The F/V Liberty, captained by Trenton Clark, fishes the Pacific near Metlakatla on Aug. 20, 2024. (Ash Adams/The New York Times)
My Turn: Charting a course toward seafood independence for Alaska’s vulnerable food systems

As a commercial fisherman based in Sitka and the executive director of… Continue reading