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Marriage preparations

Prenuptial classes offer insights for newlyweds

YANKTON, S.D. - When hearts and flowers on Valentine's Day lead to wedding bells, couples usually have idyllic dreams of living happily ever after. But there is no guarantee that all marriages will be success stories.

Deacon Leon Cantin, a permanent deacon at St. Benedict's Catholic Church, said marriage can be risky unless people are fully aware of the potential hazards.

Before a couple exchanges the proverbial "I dos," many churches require marriage preparation counseling to enlighten people about the long road of matrimony.

"The stats are not good, and within a five year period, two out of five marriages won't make it," Cantin said.

Cantin believes that marriage preparation classes are essential to couples who expect a successful life together.

Cantin said, on the first night of his counseling session, the couple takes a compatibility inventory in several areas that will concern their lives together.

Cantin said finances and budgets are some of the prime issues that cause difficulty in a relationship.

"It is amazing to hear the communication that takes place after a couple realizes they have never talked about a certain issue, like balancing a checkbook," he said.

Wendy Foxhoven, a bride-to-be from Crofton, Neb., said she was skeptical before she and her fiance Shane started the classes.

"It was scary at first because we didn't know what we were getting into. But after we took the focus test, we started to talk about things we never talked about before," she said.

Foxhoven said she and her fiance even attended a weekend engagement encounter, which was required by her priest.

"We had to write ideas in a notebook, then exchange the books and talk about what we had written to each other," she said. "We had to do some real soul-searching, and I never thought I was the kind of person to do that."

Foxhoven said she would recommend the premarital counseling to anybody because she learned how to be a better listener for her partner.

"After all the discussions we've had from the classes, I feel like I know my fiance better than I did before, and now we open up more than ever," she added.

The Rev. Dave Lund, who leads pre-marital counseling sessions, said he also uses a self-inventory.

"There's a lot of baggage that comes into a marriage, and if people aren't prepared, there are things that can go wrong," Lund said.

Lund said he has only had one couple decide not to get married after they completed pre-marital counseling. "They both had been in marital situations before, and the counseling opened their eyes to see things they hadn't considered," he said.

Cantin said he has never had a couple back out of a wedding.

Lund, who himself is now engaged to be married, said he will pre-marriage counseling with his fiance this summer.

"I'm not a hypocrite, and I practice what I preach, so of course I'm going to attend the sessions," he said.

By Sally Schroeder
Morris News Service