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He proposed. She said "yes." Good grief, now what?
The prospect of planning a ritual-driven wedding ceremony often
sends shudders up the spines of both the bride and groom and their
immediate families.
Some head straight to a wedding manager, flinging their wallets
like a hand grenade in the hope of avoiding the complexities and
stress. And for some, that's a good choice.
Others set out to experience every detail hands-on. Fortunately
there are plenty of resources. Today's future bride and groom can
access a wide variety of wedding planners and worksheets, wedding
music compact discs, photo albums and reception registration books.
How-to wedding planning books ranging from $50 to $7 are available,
the most popular of which are
Martha Stewart's Weddings to
The Everything Wedding Organizer;... to a selection of
Emily Post
pocketbook editions.
Many brides turn to magazines first to get ideas and assistance.
Among these are Modern Bride and Bridal Guide.
No matter who or what is consulted, a few paramount matters must
first be resolved by the wedding couple because everything else
depends on those initial choices:
• Formality -- traditional or avant-garde; quaint and country,
or sophisticated and uptown; a financial bash, or a simple, low
budget affair.
This decision determines everything else from type of invitations
to attire, to time of day (a very formal wedding is not held in
the middle of the day, for example).
• Number of guests -- "How many" helps define a
rough budget and how to view facilities and catering.
One way is to determine the optimum number of guests, then the bride
and groom invite one-third and each set of parents invites the rest;
or, the parents agree to split the remaining two-thirds equally
between them.
Either way, decide on a total number and get agreement from both
families to stick to it, otherwise the number will creep up as everyone
keeps thinking of someone else they forgot to invite.
• When -- "Seasonal" weddings, meaning holiday or
special occasion ceremonies, suggests that some seasonal features
will be highly sought after and need to be reserved far in advance
of the date.
Allow plenty of time. Ceremony sites may be more difficult to find
than first thought. Find the wedding site first, perhaps even before
setting a date.
If a church or synagogue is not immediately available, other options
might be parks, under a tent, historic homes, bed & breakfasts,
public gardens, a museum, someone's backyard. Use your imagination.
• Reception -- Indoors or outdoors or both? Sit-down with
service, or buffet? Dancing? Bar?
The level of formality will dictate the reception setting, menu,
style and costs. Be aware that some reception sites may be booked
as much as one or two years in advance. Will the reception facility
set up the cake table before the guests arrive, keep the cake cool
(out of the sun)? Where will guests best be able to view the cake-cutting
ceremony?
• Budget -- Who is going to pay for what? (Communication is
important here).
Family bank accounts and values must be addressed so that everyone
involved will be comfortable with what they spend and resentment
avoided.
The bridal couple should be willing to adjust if expenses overshoot
the budget.
The wedding begins to take shape when these issues have been resolved.
Next comes deciding on the officiate and number of attendants. A
general guideline is one usher per 50 guests.
It is no longer important to have an even number of males and females.
Try to avoid asking someone to be an attendant out of obligation,
and avoid "difficult" personalities at all costs. Attendants
should be supportive.
• Attire -- The bride's dress is selected first.
Falling in love with a certain style could add more than six months
to locate, order and receive it. Bridesmaid's gowns should take
less time.
Tuxes for the groom and his attendants should be selected from four
to 10 months before the wedding.
• Invitations -- Choices for invitations can be bewildering.
Just remember they should be mailed four to six weeks prior to the
wedding so plan to have them printed, possibly reprinted, addressed,
and postage affixed in plenty of time.
• Rehearsal Dinner -- The rehearsal dinner is the domain of
the groom's parents and should be an opportunity for the wedding
party to relax and celebrate in a more intimate setting. The honeymoon
is traditionally the groom's responsibility but make whatever decisions
work best for you both regarding destination, transportation, lodging
and time off from jobs.
• Rings -- Wedding rings aren't needed too far in advance.
Just plan for sizing and engraving in plenty of time.
• Marriage License -- The marriage license is usually obtained
from the town clerk in the county or town where the couple lives
or where the marriage will be performed. Some locations have a waiting
period and require blood tests.
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