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Techwit By Jason Ohler

No one knows how Ms. Stewart will fare with her recent legal troubles. But I'm betting someone on her team is already making preparations to broadcast her lectures on good living from a minimum-security facility somewhere in the U.S. that has a good growing season. Rumor has it that her first course will be called, "Up Front and In Prison: Living the Good Life Regardless of Your Living Conditions."

"For those of you doing decoupage at the club house during arts and crafts hour, don't forget to add ribbon to your project to give it that far away look. For those of you doing hard time, just remember that metal scraps from shop class and bits of laundry collected from fraying prison uniforms can be used to make wonderful knickknack gifts for family members on visitation day."

"Decorating your immediate surroundings with wall hangings, beveled mirrors and even a flat screen TV can add character to the dreariest of accommodations. For our more restricted students out there, weaving confetti paper through the bars on your door gives an early American quilted appearance, reminding us of simpler, more wholesome times."

"While golfing, be sure to collect all the used balls you can. Dip-dyed in bright colors, they will make wonderful ornaments for the holidays. If splitting rocks is your main source of exercise, then remember to do so with a sense of panache and proportion. It will give you the raw ingredients you need to create an exciting menagerie of earth materials that is uniquely you."

With so many famous inmates to draw on, ITITIT promises to flourish. Too bad John Gotti passed away; he could have offered a great course in organizational management. I expect that courses in creative accounting by Ken Lay and Dick Cheney will fill quickly.

Cynics will see the inequities in our penal system and wonder why Martha Stewart isn't doing hard time. But they have to realize that to her having anything less than 220 percale bed sheets is cruel and unusual punishment. Besides, the real point not to miss here is this: Distance education promises to deliver education to many who need it. And in the case of serving the prison population, you couldn't ask for a more captive audience.

Jason Ohler is professor of educational technology at the University of Alaska Southeast and can be reached at jason@jasonohler.com. © 2002 Jason Ohler.