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When Ron King's son died in 1993, he asked people to donate to a scholarship fund through the Juneau School District instead of giving flowers. But district officials said no because Corey King, 16, had killed himself.

Ron King said the school administration told him they didn't want to set up the scholarships because it would glorify suicide. They were afraid other children would take their own lives.

That attitude puts suicide in a black box, King said.

"Saying, 'Oh we can't talk about it' is a mistake," he said.

Discussing suicide is a way to help people express their grief and eventually define who they are after the loss. Connecting with others through a support group or cultural traditions also can be a source for healing.

King now helps others dealing with a suicide death by sharing his own experiences while leading a grief group. Ultimately, every person has to find his or her own ways to work through it, he said.

In the months following his son's death, King started work on a property he purchased in Lena Point. A surveyor and construction manager by trade, the activity was one of the main things that helped him deal with the loss of his son.

"I had all these things I could do, like cut down trees and make bonfires and start clearing the property," he said. "That was moving forward for me."

Now he helps people through his massage business and by running a suicide loss support group for Hospice and Homecare of Juneau. He talks a lot with group members about the stigma of suicide.

"A main thing is that people don't know how to talk to you," he said. "It's pretty harsh, really, and of course the person who goes through the loss has the same feeling."

As a way to get through it, he tells group members to open up to their friends and family and tell them they need help.

"What happens is, after a while we feel a little safer talking about it and that's a form of healing. It really allows you to go out and reconnect with people that you've shut off because of the stigma that goes along with suicide," he said. "I like to think of us as graduates, people that have come to move on."

The loss of a child is often considered the most difficult death, said Jean Jasmine, a counselor with Hospice and Homecare of Juneau. Add the trauma of a sudden and self-inflicted death, and it's often the most complicated bereavement process people can go through, she said.

"Often they feel isolated," Jasmine said. "People are so uncomfortable not knowing what to say."

The grieving process is different for every person, but eventually they start to assimilate the loss, integrate and accept it, and ultimately see the new person they are after that loss, she said.

Hospice offers a handful of bereavement groups in Juneau - from a pet loss group to one for teenagers dealing with a variety of losses that cause grief - because the specificity helps people identify with each other, Jasmine said.

Norene Otnes has attended King's support group in the 18 months since her son Sean's death.

Sean Otnes struggled with depression off and on since age 17, when he graduated from boot camp for the National Guard, his mother said. Following the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in New York City, he went through a short depression and took anti-depressant medication for awhile.

On a Tuesday in May of 2006, he went to work at a gas station downtown and wasn't seen again after that evening. His body was found two days later. He was 22.

A Native Southeast Alaskan from Metlakatla, adopted into the Tsimshian Eagle moiety, Otnes said an identification with her culture has helped her deal with her son's death.

She asked the elders in her community how to perform traditional ceremonies and "get the medicine" that would help her remaining family.

Otnes boiled and dried the bark of devils club, making a circle out of the roots that she hung in the house. She made a tea out of the roots and other parts of the plant and drank it as a natural medicine.

"The moment I started smelling the devils club, it felt like 'whoosh,' like a huge wind blew through the house," she said. "It felt like a burst of energy."

Otnes also had help from the Raven clan performing a traditional burning of her son's belongings and favorite foods.

"It just means connection," she said. "It connects us together, as well as feeding the souls of our ancestors."

The biggest part of grieving is being able to express it, according to King.

"You have to find your own way to work through it," he said.