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Techwit By Jason Ohler

Him: Hello. I'm a Libra. What color are your eyes?

Her: Green.

Him: I'll bet they look like turgid peas.

Her: Is that good?

Him: It is to me. I'm a vegetarian.

Her: Be right back.

No one in the training lab volunteered a definition. They were all too busy clacking away on their keyboards and living out their own virtual fantasies. I handed her a dictionary that she quickly shuffled through until she found her word. "Ah hah!" she shrieked triumphantly before sitting back down in front of her terminal. She started typing frantically, never once acknowledging the e-mail partner who sat next to her. The entire time she had been chasing down the definition of "turgid" he had said nothing. He just stared at his screen, waiting.

Her: I'm back.

Him: Where did you go?

Her: I had to look up the word "turgid." It means swollen or bloated. So, you think I have bloated eyes?

Him: I don't know. But if you do, it would be fine.

Her: I don't understand how bloated can be fine.

Him: Maybe I should have just said "big."

Her: So, does that mean my eyes are like big green peas?

In those days good typing skills were about as rare as a successful startup company today, so their conversation took place in a kind of comic slow motion as they hunted and pecked on noisy, non-ergonomic keyboards. They could have resolved the eye issue much faster if they'd simply turned and looked at each other, but what fun would that be? Besides, what if her eyes did look like turgid peas? Could have been ugly.

I knew both of these people. And as I watched their online conversation unfold I couldn't help thinking, "This is not them." They were too intellectual to discuss turgid peas. However, an old but true saying came to mind: It's hard to be yourself, but then again it's harder not to. In cyberspace it's no less true, though it gets a bit more complex. Not only is it hard not to be yourself, but it's hard to know which self to be when there are so many to choose from.