There is no greater fan of sweat pants in the world than Howard Schneider. The man swears by his collection of four pairs in grubby shades of navy and gray that look as if they're about my age. "Sweat pants are perfect," he tells me.
Under most circumstances, I would have merely smiled and nodded and put it down to his, well, Howardliness. But since he had taken up yoga and pledged to bike and run through the winter, I'd begun to worry about Howard's sartorial limitations. I couldn't let him revert to his old ways of saying it's too cold to exercise, not when the shelves are stuffed with gear that will prove his excuse to be just what it is - lame.
The time had come to teach him there are materials with merits beyond snugglyness - ones that wick moisture, move with your body, prevent rubbing and keep you warm (not to mention look good).
It's not that Howard is a complete neophyte when it comes to the neo-polyesters that make up today's hi-tech fabrics. He speaks of Under Armour's Heat Gear as though he alone has discovered the brand. And he realizes that if he sticks to what's in his closet, he'll be biking this winter in padded spandex shorts pulled over sweat-drenched long underwear. (Damp sweat pants would probably complete the look.)
So I was able to persuade him to visit a Virginia outpost of Lululemon, the Canadian activewear brand known mostly for its yoga attire. But I didn't know if he'd actually buy anything: Howard was, in a word, dubious: "I don't think 90 percent of guys give a damn about whether their shirt is too big or small, how they look or if they sweat. The attitude is, you're there to sweat," he declared.
It turns out that Howard might be in that other 10 percent: As soon as Mr. Skeptic took a gander at the racks of pretty, functional clothes, his macho anti-shopping rant halted. He listened as the ultra-helpful Lauren showed us the company's trademark wicking fabric, luon, which boasts a four-way stretch suited for posing on a yoga mat. The two of us had to yank on Howard's ratty cotton T to prove that it didn't have luon's stretchability. Convinced, he also grabbed at a pair of yoga shorts with a supportive liner. (Gentlemen, take note, never do yoga in shorts without a liner. Please.)
Then Lauren started pulling long-sleeved, chafe-free shirts for Howard's fall jogs. One was enriched with seaweed-derived "vitasea," to moisturize the skin, and another with anti-stink bamboo charcoal technology. "Charcoal is what they use for fish tanks," Howard said. "Why wouldn't it work for me?" (I certainly wasn't going to stand in his way on that one.) And although I thought all might be lost after he launched into another outburst about "the male shopping principle," he actually bought the "Down dawg" shorts and the "Sunday run" bamboo charcoal shirt.
After that warm-up, it was time for us to travel to a land of heightened testosterone and more products specifically meant for biking enthusiasts: REI. Howard, who has become a two-wheeler fanatic, made a beeline for the windproof outerwear.
Because he didn't really know what to look for, he let Todd walk him through the wonders that could accompany him on the trail. There was the Pearl Izumi Zephrr, a wind-resistant, water-repellent vest ideal for fall with a wicking collar, a "hydrophobic" mesh back to aid in temperature regulation and reflective piping to maximize visibility.
Howard also swooned over the Novara Tempest jacket - it's windproof yet breathable, in a super-stretchy fabric that's warm enough to protect from a wintry chill. As he tried it on, Todd encouraged him to lean forward to see if it would cover his rear. (It did!)
The best part? "They have all of these little pockets so I don't need to carry a pouch with me," Howard said. I took this to mean that he usually wears a fanny pack, but refrained from inquiring as he bounded up to the cash register.
We piled his purchases into the car, and I said, "Okay. Where next? Sports Authority, Target or L.L. Bean?" There was, after all, still the issue of gloves and perhaps a hat, as well as what to go on his legs. (Howard had mentioned something promising about microfleece tights.)
But Howard decided he was done for one day. So maybe he is a guy shopper after all.
