Confusion sets in. Desperation quickly follows. It's almost as if - through the receiver - you can smell the eight Red Bull and Jagers and the nine liquid quarts of TAG body spray.

"Um ... yeah ... uh ... could I get a ... er ..."

Sorry Ma Bell, this ain't Evergreen Cab. That would be 586-2121. You've dialed 586-1212. This is a radio station.

"Uh ... yeah ... but I'm at the Viking ... um ..."

It's truly remarkable how many people become dyslexic when operating a cellular phone while intoxicated. Or maybe, it's just sad.

Regardless, it's a phenomenon worth noting this week, as K3 (the combined forces of KTOO, KRNN and KXLL radio) prepares its on-air pledge drive for Sept. 28 through Oct. 5.

This is a time to reflect on the ways in which you use public radio. And also to salute the thousands of drunk-ass people who mistakenly have called for a cab since the inception of public radio in Juneau.

"It was a never-ending source of entertainment for me," said Gerry Bigelow, longtime host of the "Midnight Groove Suite."

Since his show moved two hours earlier to 9 to 11 p.m. Saturdays on KRNN, Bigelow has seen a dramatic decrease in the number of drunkards calling for a cab. But in his first 5 ½ years - when he was often on as late as 2 a.m. - he received "close to 300 calls" for Evergreen Cab. During one New Year's Eve show, he received so many that he stopped answering.

"One great exchange I had happened near Christmas in 2005," Bigelow said. "A woman called twice for a cab. On the second call, I just told her that I would be there to pick her up soon. She was so drunk that she couldn't remember her name. Towards the end of my shift, I got a call from her again. She called to cancel the cab! She even thanked me for my time."

Andy Kline, now the program director at KXLL/100.7 FM, hosted "Midnite Capers" on KTOO at midnight Saturdays from 1991 to 2003. In that span, he estimates receiving "3,247 erroneous calls from drunks trying to get a cab." To add to the caller's addled state, the KTOO call letters sounded very much like the old cab company - Taku.

"Many, many nights, the calls from drunks trying to get a cab well outnumbered those trying to make requests," Kline said. "And many nights, those drunks saved my very sanity. They were typically very talkative, and most never even realized that I had put them live on the air."

Chris Mertl, a landscape architect for Jensen Yorba Lott Inc., hosted "Uncle Wiggly's Circus" for about eight years from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. Fridays. Sometimes, a drunk would call asking for a cab driver to pick up cigarettes and a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

"Those were always the most fun," Mertl said. "We'd say, 'We're coming over. We're on our way.' They'd call back in about half an hour. And we'd say, 'Hold on, let me check. He's just picked up the goods.' You'd mess with them for an hour or two, and finally they'd call and you'd laugh."

Once, a drunk called Mertl, asking if he could pick up a female stripper and bring her to a party.

"Eventually, I called them and said there were no women available, but we had a gentleman who was on the way over," Mertl said. "They got pretty mad at me."

Here's looking at you, drunk, number-transposing, radio-station-misdialing bar patron. Your cab is, mercifully, on its way.

• Korry Keeker can be reached at 523-2268 or korry.keeker@juneauempire.com