Handwritten pages filled with life stories and future plans, hearts and flowers. Hundreds of women wrote after seeing a spread of my husband in AlaskaMen Magazine in 1990.

They didn't know a thing about him, but they wrote to him as though he was a god.

They longed "to make a fresh start with an Alaskan man." After reading a boxful it struck me that, hair and fashion aside, not much has changed in 17 years.

We may be online now, but we're still looking for the godlike Mr. Right. We're still selling ourselves to total strangers.

So here are a few tips.

• Don't say this is your first time at anything. Who cares?

• Don't send a photo of yourself coming out of a port-a-potty wearing a tight T-shirt that says "I wish these were brains" with a big arrow pointing at your fake boobs.

• Don't sell your culinary skills with a picture of yourself cooking in a spotted oversized Mickey Mouse T-shirt, with a half-empty bottle of tequila, a shot glass and a pack of cigarettes on the counter.

• Don't send a picture of yourself bottle-feeding a baby in a barcalounger. Scary. Men use babies as babe bait, women don't.

• If he's a nonsmoker, don't include a picture of yourself wearing mom jeans in a cemetery, smoking a cigarette. Not a good look, or message. If nothing else, it says you can't read.

• Self-addressed stamped envelopes appear desperate. Let him buy a stamp.

• Hint at the cleavage tattoo in correspondence; show it in person.

• Sexual innuendo is okay, just don't go overboard.

• Don't send glamor shots. They're an illusion. Don't set yourself up for the disillusionment on his face when he sees the real you.

• And finally, the list of hobbies: big yawn!

"I like cooking, gardening, the outdoors, good books, fine wine, sunsets." He reads, "Work, work, carry her kayak but could be having sex, no action movies, no beer, could be watching the game."

Better: "While you watch the game, I'll garden in the nude, eating mangoes and listening to Led Zeppelin."

I still believe meeting in person is your best bet. But if you're going to try the written approach, give some thought to the recipient.

Maybe even write it as though his wife is going to read it some day. Some day when she's cleaning out his godlike garage with two of his godlike babies swarming around the toxic paint cans.

Try to avoid the "wife eyeroll."